Mama's Dream and Remembering My Trip to the United States (US)

A few weeks ago, I accompanied my mom to the US Embassy. For several weeks she's been citing the approval of her visa as one of her intentions for praying the rosary. The reason? To attend my brother's graduation as a licensed nursing assistant and to take a much needed vacation away from home.

Mom would have gone to California if she only had a US visa.

Not that I hate the US for I've been there for a short time, but I didn't want her to go because of reasons I will discuss later.

From having a medical degree and a licensed general practitioner in the Philippines and serving as a community doctor in the Fiji Islands, my brother has opted to study para-nursing to survive in the US and be able to continue sending my parents some money. He went there when Fiji Islands had several political conflicts and foreigners were advised to leave. Apparently, unlike in the Philippines, applying for a US visa in other countries was quite a breeze.

My Paralysis

No need to say more.

There are several writing orders that I still have to do. I should have done some of them weeks ago, but I've been struggling to get off my "funk". As I blog now, I'm asking myself why I'm having this kind of trouble. 

For one, I'm thinking of so many things at the same time. It's like hearing a loud noise in my mind. There's no music, just noise. 

Work. Money. Life. Studies. Kid. Mom. Dad. Brothers. God. Charity. Hachi (the family dog). Politics. Movie. Certain actors. Last Song Syndrome. Dreams. Faceless mate. Food. Cooking. TV. Radio. Phone. College scholarship. Friends. Death. Credit cards. Etc. All these plans, things, priorities, and people enjoy a merry-go-round ride in my head. It's something I can stop, but couldn't. Why?

To Leann from Leann - A Letter to Self for 2012 (and so on)

Dearest Leann,

Introspection is good for the soul.

Another year is fast approaching. Please try to calm yourself. Panicking will not lead to good results. Breathe and write down your thoughts.

First, how are you doing? If not good, I bet you know the reasons why. What are you going to do then? Are you still going to mope about the unchanging past? Are you still going to think about the schmuck who hurt you years ago - however occasionally? Like what you're doing now. You can either erase that particular line or not, but you won't because you'd be lying to yourself - and you're tired of doing this, right? It's not okay, but recurring thoughts are like prisoners waiting for their release, so do it - RELEASE. And just MOVE ON. If others can do it, YOU CAN TOO - after all he's a pathological liar who deceived you right from the start. You certainly don't want to ruin the rest of your life with and for a man like him, do you? You're just too proud to admit that someone fooled you after all that you've done.

What about your daughter's dad? You've learned your lessons with this one. I know you've forgiven him, but haven't forgotten what he's done - same thing with that schmuck. FORGIVE YOURSELF, Leann. You're as flawed as everyone else. You're also not immune from loving someone and getting stabbed in the end - it happens.