Dead Relationships

Friends gone south

Some people have already kicked me out of their life simply because they have no use for me anymore, particularly because I am not as privileged as they are. 

One "friend" whom I thought would be an enduring one kicked me out because her second husband wants her to. Well, that's what her mom told me, but I don't buy it. She has her own mind. And if she's really a friend, the least she could have done was to talk to me straight about it and not treat me coldly.  Sadly, she was one of my few college friends. And I believe I've lost her forever.

There were also other college friends who just stopped talking to me years back. I have ideas why - but I'd never be able to confirm them. These are people who have already forgotten whatever good deed I've done for them. Not that I'm asking something tangible in return. No. Friendship - the real kind - has no price tag nor has it an expiration date. Unfortunately, it wasn't the case for me and these female and male "friends" I had during my university years. 

The Ex

More than the former friends, it is my kid's dad who is able to sap my energy - not because of something else, but because we're just utterly incompatible. When he doesn't respect my decisions and treats me as if he has the right to shout at me, I can't help but fight back. I didn't finish college or graduate school to put up with this kind of treatment. 

I've already said goodbye to him years ago. He insists on reconciliation because, he claims, he still loves me. Yeah, right. He better leave or let me go if he really does. I'd like him very much to find another mate and raise another family - but I don't want him to ever bother me and my daughter again.

Scream

I didn't know what to really say in my earlier post. Yet, I managed to just release my negative thoughts and pent-up anger. I may sound as if I'm blaming other people, but I'm blaming myself in fact.

I regret investing too much emotionally in people whose purpose in my life has reached a dead end. I have made many bad decisions that I find it hard to forgive myself and forget. I yearn for the time when I can just be alone and scream my frustrations away.

A plea

I pray that God will help me stay sane, learn to be kind to myself, have peace of mind, and nurture a happy heart.